Yelling "Fire" in a theater...

It seems to be inevitable in efforts to shame people into accepting infringements of one right or another, that the discussion will eventually include the assertion that you can't yell "fire" in a crowded theater. This is the hallmark argument for illustrating some restrictions on the right to free speech are reasonable. Obviously, there is an assumption that there is actually no fire at the time that such yelling takes place. People would look at you funny if you were to say that you can't yell "fire" in a crowded theater even if there is a fire. So apparently you can, actually, yell "fire" in a crowded theater. When attempting to get others to accept infringement of certain rights, it isn't terribly helpful to mention the cases in which it is OK to yell "fire" in crowded theaters, so we just leave that bit out (along with uncrowded theater "fire" crying).

If we were serious about not yelling "fire" in a crowded theater when there is no actual fire to yell about, then we would need to take more preemptive measures to protect against the possibility. Infringing on rights to keep people(typically children) from being harmed is what we are talking about after all. What good does it do to say that you can't cause a stampede in a fireless theater, if people actually can start a stampede in a fireless theater. If we had signs on the cinema doors that banned talking in the theater, that still doesn't stop people from carrying into the theater the means with which to start stampedes.

It's obviously not possible for people to leave their vocal chords at home when they go to the movie. Even if it was, it would probably be awkward to enforce. And if people could disable their voices in some way for the duration of the movie, you'd always have that odd guy that that wants to be able to yell "fire" just in case there is an actual fire. Muzzling people is an option. Having recently gone to the movies, I might be open to arguments for this approach. Or maybe a shock collar like they use to stop dogs from barking. Still, it seems like these might detract from the overall experience - depending on the movie of course.

Another option would be to install "smart seats" in the theater. The solutions are probably best left to the free market, but a couple of options might be a seat that would bubble-wrap its occupant, or apply a stiff electrical shock whenever said occupant yells "fire" in a sufficiently occupied theater in which there is no fire. The technology for solving this problem is certainly available. If we can put a man on the moon, well you know the rest. The movie industry could reasonably be expected to pick up the bill for the new seats. After all, they're the ones enabling all of these "fire" criers in the first place. We wouldn't even have this problem without them.

Some might argue that the best approach is to let people hang on to their ability to yell "fire" and just have consequences for people that do so irresponsibly. Of course that kind of gets in the way of using the whole can't yell "fire" in a crowded theater argument when we need to shame people into accepting infringements on their rights. And it won't stop potentially life threatening stampedes in crowded theaters. I mean, if we can save just one life...